Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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