So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
