The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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