before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize