dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hello my rib-scented angel!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So apparently I’m into choking now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
