Me too!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
