What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
