What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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