my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
