Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
