I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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