I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
