my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
