Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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