Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
