So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
