hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize