Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
