he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
