There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
