i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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