thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
They left me at home... I'm a liability
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
