How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
