I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
birth control should be required to get into college
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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