I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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