We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
