There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
