A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
