i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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