wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
