there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
