Are we in a gay sports bar?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
