went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize