It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
