Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize