I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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