Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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