The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
