this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
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