I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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