guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
