I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
