i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
