I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
