His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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