you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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