I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
