dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So here I am, sexting at work.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
