Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
