They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
