Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
