Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
