Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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