9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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