i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
