and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
