she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
