I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
