Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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