If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
