She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
