she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
