He is such a slut. More and more my type.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize