It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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