Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it hurts more in the daytime
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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