My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
