Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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