I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
