I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
