so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
