my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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