It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize