I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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