Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
