He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
