watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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