well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
